The Optimized Cookie

Author’s note: I wrote this on April 25, 2020 when I was 23 and reposting this on August 21, 2025. I’m planning to write a response to this soon this year 🙂

A/N part 2: Hey hey, I went back into my blog and guess what, it’s been 5 years from when I wrote this! I’ll take this opportunity to answer back to my past self and talk to myself for the next 5 years. ♡

Hello.

I am 23 years old as of the day I am writing this and I thought of writing a letter to my 28 year old self to document how the next years will go down and to answer things I would like to know if I get to do in the future. How different will my perspective be in 5 years?

This idea is inspired by a YouTube video by Dodie where she made a video 5 years ago talking to her future self to which she has recently posted a reply to, 5 years later. Links will be at the end of this post.

Hello 28-year-old me, this is your 23-year old self writing this.

I’m currently living in the heart of business in Metro Manila, stuck in a condominium unit during a global pandemic and spending the free time I have to apply for job opportunities in digital marketing as well as learning about the basics of Search Engine Marketing through free Coursera courses.

How are you? Right now, I’ve been on lockdown for a little over a month. It doesn’t seem to be slowing down at the moment, at least for our country. How is your mental health? Do you still cry at the most random things? Is the day you’re reading this a good day for you? Hopefully the national and international problems we’re facing are long gone by then.

28 year old me: I’m doing really well, thank you for asking. The past year was such a huge roller coaster of emotions for me, what with moving to a new country in mid-2024 and still feeling lost in 2025, so much so I sought some therapy and worked on some internal issues that were resurfacing. It was a hard time to navigate because I knew I had toxic traits that do not benefit me or the people around me, so I really had to unlearn it. From time to time, some of these traits still get the best of me, but I have a better hold of them now than before. That being said, yes I still cry at the most random things. Don’t even get me started about what I cry about during my PMS week – old ladies baking, otters in the wild, giraffes standing while a storm is happening – you name it. The national problems and international problems have gotten WAY WAY worse since you wrote this, past self. On the national front, we have political budget issues pushed to the surface that triggered a peaceful protest in EDSA while the international front just confirmed the scariest, most evil conspiracy theories you can think of from the rich and the powerful. Sometimes it feels daunting living in a world where people like these exist, but I carry some hope in my heart that we, the people, can resist and fight back and live a better life.

Did you get to maintain an active blog – preferably this one? I know you can’t deny that no matter how long you’ll stray away from blogging, it will always feel like home when you come back, which is how I’m feeling now having just revamped this blog.

28 year old me: I have reactivated this blog and have now invested both time and money on it even more than before. I want to have an online presence to share some of my opinions and stories, while building a portfolio I could send to companies I would want to work with. Going back here still feels like home, no matter how many years have passed, you’re right. Right now, I’m inspired to continue this no matter the outcome. I just want to write and express myself here.

Are you still listening to the same music as you are now? Kpop and Dodie? I mean, music has no age anyways so just in case this will somehow make you cringe looking back, it’s okay. Rumors have been swirling since last year that NCT 127 will have a Manila concert in August 2020, guess that’s not gonna happen anytime soon, is it?

28 year old me: Okay, so my music taste has evolved over the years. I frankly don’t have the energy to fangirl anymore like I used to. I still listen to KPOP but only with NCT songs (and Taeyong’s solos if you count it as separate). NCT concert stops are somehow now skipping Manila and I don’t know much about the tea there, sorry. So many new groups and soloists are coming out year after year but I’m afraid I am not updated on that side of the world anymore. With Dodie, I still listen to her solo songs. She has a band called Fizz but I connected more to her solo songs which is great because she released a new album called Not For Lack of Trying on the same day Taylor released her 12th album! That was a great day for me. Now, I also listen to some classical music and broadway songs thanks to some influences from Tolis. I also like exploring new artists too like Olivia Dean, Bad Bunny, Olivia Rodrigo, and Sabrina Carpenter. Demi released a new pop album too so I went back to listening to her again and we rewatched the Twilight Saga recently so those songs have been stuck in our heads for some time now.

Since you’d go back to this five years from now, how is married life with Tolis? I’m still engaged to him now and hopefully two years or so you’d finally have exchanged vows. Not to make you sad, but at this time, we were supposed to meet as he was supposed to visit me here but plans got withdrawn understandably because of the pandemic. Do you have any kids? Where did you get married? Was it just like you dreamed of – in a library or probably a garden? I hope you invited your closest friends and family only.

28 year old me: Married life with Tolis is great. It’s a wonderful journey getting to know myself all over again, understand him better and grow together.

Do you have any pets now? My fiance and I have joked around compromising getting a dog and naming it ‘Turtle’ because I want a dog and he wants a turtle.

Are you at a point of your career where you’re satisfied with what you do regardless of the pay? Your friends have always reminded you not to be blinded by the pay and just go with what you feel fits you best. Precious piece of advice and I hope you still follow that to this day.

3 years ago, you did a Myers-Briggs personality test and you were initially a ‘Campaigner’ (ENFP-T) which you confidently identified with as a 20-year-old. A few days ago, you took another one but gave you a new result. It’s now ‘Mediator’ (INFP-T). What’s your personality type now? Has it changed? Do you feel it’s a good description of you right now? I was initially feeling lost with this new personality type, but a good friend told me that “life is a series of finding, and losing, and finding again”. Don’t be discouraged if you get a new personality type that’s maybe not exactly how you’re currently seeing yourself now.

How is the family? Are your little cousins still as mischievous and funny as they are now? They would have been about 11-13 years old now. I hope they still remember you since you might not spend as much time as you would like with them.

About a month ago, Esther told me to go for the things I was passionate about after telling her I felt I’m losing myself bit by bit. She proceeded to ask what the things I was passionate for was. I couldn’t answer at the time, my mind was blank. Can you answer it now? What are the things you’re passionate about now?

Are you happy? This is the one question I always had difficulty answering whenever people at my workplace would ask me this. I mean, I was happy and grateful with some specific parts of my life, yes, but in general, I didn’t feel like happiness outweighed the not-so-happy times I’m going through. I hope it would be a different outlook 5 years later.

Overall future self, I hope you’re doing better now. I hope you’re more sure of yourself when you’re reading this compared to how I’m feeling while writing this.

Remember when you were 18 and a quote from Sarah J Maas’s ‘Throne of Glass’ inspired you to push harder? “I am Celaena Sardothien and I will not be afraid.” Remember replacing your name on it instead of Celaena’s (as silly as it sounds)? Remember chanting that when it was your very first time moving out of town and working in a big city? Remember chanting that when you presented your ideas in front of the whole management committee of the company? I hope this fire is still alive inside you.

Whatever comes in your life, future self, challenges or no, you got this. ❤

Love,

Your 23 year-old self

Links:

Dodie’s “Dear 25 year old me” video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPcb1Q2nzgk&t=104s

Dodie’s “Hello 20 year old me” video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjJRP-T0dSk&t=486s

Myers-Briggs personality type test: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Thank you for reading! This was quite a personal post but if you come across this and decide to write or make a video to your future self as well, I’d love it if you tag me in it so I can read about it or watch it, too!

Stay safe everyone.

Xo,

Pigeon