The Optimized Cookie

[Note: reposting this because I deleted the original post from my other blog.]

For years and years, I’ve listened to society

Make up, perfect skin, skinny body – that is beauty

So I’ve tried and fit myself in these societal constructs

But it just didn’t work, I didn’t make the cut

If you’re out of proportion or you’re something unusual

get ready for nothing but people’s refusal

to take you in and accept you because you’re not pretty, no

this place is for the rich and the pretty, they run the show

you’re not as skinny as the models on TV not as flawless as the actresses on screen

so you try and go on a diet, try a ton of cosmetic products on your face, it seems

that you’re buried deep in society’s judgments, no one will hear you scream

as you struggle and fight and try to become someone you aren’t

all for the name of beauty

all because of society

you have breakouts, and scars, and bruises, and freckles

you should still try to be smooth, your skin is still dry, don’t settle!

“put some more concealer on that cheek, your scars are disturbing”

“you have a huge belly, it’s really disgusting”

at the end of the day, these are the words that haunt you

even as you lay in bed, your eyes close, but your brain doesn’t seem to

you beat yourself up and feed yourself with negative things

negativity swims around you now, words that consume you, around you they sing

the days turn to weeks, the weeks to months, and months to years

but the voices in your head are still ringing in your ears

no matter how many people tell you to not listen to them, that it’s not true

“I’m trying. I’m trying. Please give me time, will you?”

“You’re pretty and beautiful, thwart society and what is has to say,” you advise me

with how much i was eaten by society’s messed up system and opinions, i say “really?”

Because of society there has been stereotypes of what beauty looks like

if society says this, you have to follow the trend. it doesn’t even matter if it’s wrong or right

I’ve watched my weight, I reckon I’m skinny enough

I’m wearing make up, some lipstick and blush-on, I even contoured it up!

But I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety and a few eating disorders

nothing to worry about though, since I’ll be getting society’s resounding “wow”

I’ve tried and tried, so…

am I beautiful now?