The Optimized Cookie

I know this is a grim headline for a blog but I wanted to write down things I want to happen when I’m gone since there’s difficulty expressing them while I am living.

funny thing. I wrote something like this in February of 2021 but I stupidly deleted my notes cache

So here we go again.

Firstly, I have really bad claustrophobia. So please, cremate me when I pass. I don’t want to be in a tomb or coffin under ground where I’ll just wait for my body to decay or whatever. Also, I have this fear of being buried alive so no to being in a coffin, yes to being cremated.

Next, you can do whatever you want with my dust. You can throw it, put it in a necklace or turn it into jewelry (not sure how that works but there are companies that turn cremated dust into jewels). The last thing I want to be is clutter. I hate clutter and I do not want to be one. Like putting me in a jar is fine but only temporarily, then you can throw/ accessorize/ bejewel it. Do not put my cremated dust where it’ll just sit in the corner of the house collecting other types of dust.

What will you do with my things? For clothes and shoes, please either throw them away or give them away. I don’t want my belongings to waste away when its not gonna be used anymore. There are organizations online that accept clothing donations so please opt for that if giving them away would be more of a hassle. My jewelry will be with the family I build with Tolis. It’s not much, just a few earrings, a watch, necklaces and rings. There’s nothing special about them, they’re not even expensive. But it’s special to me so keep it within the family I build with Tolis (either to him or our children). I’ll try my best to declutter trinkets that mean little to nothing to me or don’t hold a really strong sentimental value for me enough to keep it. That would leave me with my books, NCT albums, letters and gifts from my friends, and gadgets. All of these, please give to the family I build with Tolis. It would be their sole discretion now however they want to use it. Feel free to keep or throw away whatever you see fit. My rule is, if i’m not looking for it often or have not used it in the past 2 years, it’s going to the trash.

Next, I don’t want anything fancy when it comes to commemorating me. I don’t want to invite the whole town who I didn’t even connect with when I was alive. I only keep a few people in my circle and I’m really happy with that. Nobody has to go out of social obligation – it’s fine and you don’t have to be guilty about it.

For those who will come, I hope you remember me by fondly. I am not a perfect person, but I would like to believe there’s at least one good story you have of me to share. I was so busy juggling an academic and jam-packed extra curricular life when I was a student in high school and university, but I did try to make as much time as I could for my friends. In case you don’t remember anything, it’s all okay. I will be at peace knowing those memories are cherished in my head.

I have a dog and her name is Hachi. I got her a few years after we had our other dog, Kukang, who Hachi has become best friends with. I am updating this post in February 14, 2026, so if an accident happens with me before their precious lives pass, please take my body to them before cremating me and let them smell me so that they can understand that I am gone. After I’m cremated, if whoever is in charge of my ashes puts it into an object, please put it close by to where Hachi sleeps. Otherwise, please let her smell my ashes before throwing it away.

I am a foodie so I can’t end this blurb without recommendations of the food to serve in my wake.

For finger foods , please serve pork lumpia and vegetable lumpia. I have no particular recipe for this, all I know is any lumpia is great and tasty. Cheese sticks are also good. I used to make them as my default contribution during elementary school potlucks just because it was the easiest for me to do. My grandma always helped me roll them. I miss her every time I cook.

For the main dishes or the ulams, you can serve my all-time favorite ulam – Chicken Tinola. But the vegetable to be used here is sayote/chayote, okay? Not papaya or whatever else other households use to substitute it. Any type of chicken is fine, but I like a good mix between white meat from the chicken breasts and some fat/skin for flavor from chicken thighs and drumsticks. The green leaves could be either dahon ng sili (the best choice, in my opinion) or spinach leaves if you really can’t find anything. Also please put a few small, green siling labuyos in there.

Others can be chicken afritada, kare-kare, pork adobo and ginisang munggo. It’s up to whoever is setting the wake up, just please have my beloved Tinola there. I literally could eat that every day and not be sick of it.

Rice. Rice. Rice. Anybody who knows me knows I love rice in all it’s forms. So please don’t forget serving some hot rice! (Could be garlic fried rice, plain white rice, red rice, whatever you want, as long as rice is there :P)

For desserts, I love love love cookies. Chocolate chips are the best. They are a classic for a reason. If no one can bake given the time and the situation, commercial cookies are also great. I like Fibisco cookies or Chips Ahoy, but as long as they’re chocolate chip – I’m sure it will be fine. If people would like to order from a local food business, maybe throw in some rice puto cake, leche flan, palitaw and/or buchi there.

Am I all set?

Well then, thank you in advance for reading my requests and I’ll see you when I see you. ♡